12.19.2011

Best of 2011: Television

Some people are movie people and some people know everything about music. I am proud/ashamed/back to proud again that I know as much about television as a million Wikipedias. I love television. Be it crappy, shitty, campy, stupid, low-brow, I think you get where I'm going with this. So here is a list of the television shows I couldn't do without this year. Please note: 30 Rock isn't on this list. IT KNOWS WHY (it sucked hard this year is why).

11. Any show about Kardashians
Ew ew ewwwwww I can't believe I'm saying this, but this year I really got into Keeping up with the Kardashians. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not a stupid person. I'm not obsessed with celebrities or tight dresses or hair extensions or listening to people speak as if they're emerging from a coma. But for the love of god, I totally got into the unholy army of attention that is the Kardashian family. I cried while watching all 4 hours of Kim's pretend-fairytale-princess wedding.

10. The League
I wasn't sure that I'd like The League. I started watching it because it has a few of my favourites in it (Paul Scheer, Jason Mantzoukas, Nick Kroll), but it's about fantasy football, which is...you know. But it's so funny. Seth Rogen finally made our Dirty Randy dreams come true (above) after a million jokes about a character that I was sure didn't exist.

9. American Horror Story
Thought it would be lame; pretty much awesome. I like to describe it as Twin Peaks on a McDonalds budget. It's so stupid and campy and the acting - DIOS MIO - the acting!!! It's SO BAD. But it's enjoyable and dumb and scary.

8. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
...will always be on this list. Always.

7. Happy Endings
I was seriously the biggest Happy Ending bigot you'd ever meet. I didn't know it, I didn't want to know it, I thought it was dumb, I hated Casey Wilson. My friend told me to keep watching it and give it a chance. After watching 3 continuous episodes, I'm really into it. Hell, even Elisha Cuthbert is growing on me (and everyone knows she was the WORST part of the show. Now she's getting better). I like it. I don't mind that it's the show that bumped Cougar Town. I want it to stay on the air.

6. American Dad!
American Dad will always be funny to me, even though it's a Family Guy spin-off. It is, and it isn't. It's barely a Family Guy spin-off; the only real similarity is that Brian the Dog talks and Roger the Alien talks. But Roger the Alien is one of the best characters on television and HE ISN'T REAL. I watch the show just for Roger now (well, and Francine. And Steve and his friends. And when Roger dresses up as Martin Sugar. Oh god, I'm laughing to myself now). Anyways, you're probably not even watching American Dad and that's alright, because some of us are and we're a very loyal legion of dorks and will never let this show get canceled, so you can totally start watching any time you want.

5. Angry Boys
I got so obsessed with this show. It's so good. Well, some parts are lame - I don't totally love S.mouse. Actually, that's not true - I love S.mouse's interactions with his father and girlfriend. And I love when he's driving through the ghetto blasting Slap My Elbow and the thugs walk over to the car and they peel away and he mouths "what the fuck". Also I hate Chris Lilley for making me laugh at this show one minute and then cry the next. OH GOD, GRAN! When Kerri-Anne died - ugh. I'm a loser, this just in.

4. Parks and Recreation
This season gave us Tammy 1. Also it gave us Tammy Zero. Holy lord, WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE LOVE THIS SHOW AS MUCH AS ME?!?! Fuck, let's continue this conversation below, shall we?

3. Community
Speaking of shows people don't love as much as me...Community: The show that is almost canceled! Lord love a duck, how is it that people haven't fallen in love with Community? Oh wait, I know - it's the same people who nominated Zooey Deschanel's riveting turn as Jess in The New Girl for a Golden Globe award. EW EW EW EW I HATE PEOPLE. If you want to know why Community is so good, go to the YouTube and type in Community + Kiss From a Rose. Oh god - HOW DOES IT ONLY HAVE 35,000 VIEWS?!?!?!?

2. Breaking Bad
I didn't put a picture of the show because - really - how can you beat a picture of Aaron Paul dressed as a chicken and Bryan Cranston dressed as Tio Salamanca? You can't, good answer. So this year I flip-flopped on Breaking Bad pretty hard. The first part of Season 4 was terrible - I think Bryan Cranston was given far too much creative control. But then the last half of the season? Holy shit, no spoilers, but WHAT THE FUCK, GIANCARLO ESPOSITO?!?!?!?!?! God damn. Give that man an Emmy. Give him an EGOT. I don't care. He's the best. Anyways, it would have probably been given the #1 spot if it weren't for all the splotchy episodes in the beginning.


1. Louie
Yep. We all know this show is incredible. Just start watching it if you're not already, okay?

Honorable mention:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Every fiber of my being feels regret when I turn on the TV and dedicate 1 to 2 hours of my life to this show. It's the SAME DAMN SHOW EVERY WEEK. Sad family is sad, Ty Pennington gets drunk and crashes his car into their shitty house, Ty announces he's building them a new house, sad family goes to an ABC-approved vacation destination (aka Disney World), crew spends thousands of dollars turning their house into lots of painted plywood and black and white photographs and shit with family trees, sad family comes home, MOVE THAT BUS!, sad family's dreams have come true, I cry on my couch into a bowl of Doritos.

Of course this list does differ a bit from last year. What's missing?
Law and Order: SVU
It was well-publicized that 2011 would be The Year Without a Stabler. Me no likey. SVU is Detective Elliot Stabler, and Detective Elliot Stabler is SVU. Now SVU is a bunch of new cops, barely any Ice T or Richard Belzer, Olivia Benson has been scaled way back, and no Chris Meloni. What a shame. That show could have gone on forever (thanks to nutcases like me who love to watch new ways for network television to be creepy and disturbing while maintaining a PG rating). Instead this season will probably be its last. Dear NBC: if you cancel SVU, please just make a new show called Stuffy Cops Learn About Internet Sex Stuff that Teenagers are Totally Doing (But Probably Not). "Hey chief, take a look at this. Turns out kids are using games like Angry Birds to create fake online avatars where they live out sexual bird-themed role-play. It's nothing but a new way for predators to get their rocks off".

Dragon's Den
If you're American, you know this show as Shark Tank (which - really - is it even on anymore in the US?) But in Canada we have Dragon's Den and it used to be my favourite show...until...they totally replaced one of the judges with this new guy who is a total wet blanket. And also Robert Herjavec is growing out his hair and it looks SO GROSS.

Cougar Town
PLEASE CANCEL 'THE NEW MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL HOUR WITH ZOOEY DESCHANEL' AND BRING BACK COUGAR TOWN.

1 comment:

HappyFunBall said...

Your TV list is missing "Archer". It airs on the FX network in the States so its not easy to find on Canadian cable. Seriously. Funny. Shit.

Here's a link (not my page, also not porn) for some highlights:

http://www.gregtherobot.com/archer-on-fx

So worth it.