2.16.2012

The Best Dog in the World is...


This little guy!!! His name is Malachy and he's a Pekingese (one of my favourite dogs because they look like facial hair come to life). The Westminster Kennel Club named him Best in Show which means he'll be dining on Purina for the next year (instead of generic-brand Happy Dawg Dog Kibble, which is what he'd get if he came home A LOSER). He is seriously so cute, it's making my heart hurt. Normally I find out who won Best in Show and scream out "FIXED!!! THIS FUCKING SHOW IS FIXED!!" because it's usually a doped-up Boxer, but this year they finally got it right. Forget muscle tone and markings and teeth; give the cup to the cutest furball that done showed up. So congrats, Malachy! You get to sleep on the bed this week and eat out of the garbage all you want! You deserved it. But what about the six other dogs who went home losers? Kidding, they're all winners in my heart (except for Boxers, because they look gross). Let's see who was up against Malachy and see if they stood a chance, shall we?


Name: Playing with Fire (but they call him Cinders. Awww)
Breed: Wirehaired Dachshund
Best of: Hounds
I like wiener dogs a lot. There's something so charming about their faces; I like to imagine them all dressed up in a formal tuxedo with a hat and a cane and it makes me laugh. There's something I don't really like about this wire-haired one; I kind of like the short-haired silky ones better. This guy looks dirty, like he lives in a gas station mensroom.
How does you compare to Malachy? No comparison. I'd rather snuggle that Pekinese all day long. Cinders is cute and tiny, but he's not a floating mustache.


Name: Spotlights Ruffian
Breed: Dalmatian
Best of: Non-Sporting
Awww Dalmations. Nothing brings a couple together more than adopting more than 100 dalmations, all the while praying that one of their erstwhile friends doesn't try to steal them and skin them alive in order to make a floor-length dog-fur coat. Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, this Dalmation. 
How does you compare to Malachy? Doesn't. I don't care if they are pals with Firemen; did you know that Dalmatians have the highest bite-rate? That's correct - if stuck between a Pitbull and a Dalmation, head for the land shark; you've got a better chance of surviving with your face intact.


Name: Captain Crunch
Breed: German Shepherd
Best of: Herding
Oh shoot, he's a cute pie. Look how soft that fur is. I bet he really likes to fetch stuff. 
How does you compare to Malachy? Pretty close. While I don't love German Shepherds, I do love when they're mixed with things. My parent's dog is 1/2 German Shepherd and 1/2 Siberian Husky and she is the cutest damn dog you've ever seen. If I had to choose between owning Malachy and Captain Crunch, I'd probably pick the Captain (but I'd be paying for it later when his hips give you and he drags himself around like a sealion).


Name: Caught Red Handed
Breed: Irish Setter
Best of: Sporting
I just cannot get away from the fact that this dog probably always has a freshly killed mallard duck it its mouth. Right?
How does you compare to Malachy? No comparison. This dog looks like it smells like a pond.


Name: Veni Vidi Vici
Breed: Doberman Pinscher
Best of: Working
Look how fancy this little lady is. Click clack make that money, honey.
How does you compare to Malachy? I like Dobermans, but they always sort of look evil. Isn't this the type of dog Satan owns? This is Satan's dog, right? I mean, I heard he was showing his dog at Westminster this year; this has got to be Satan's dog.


Name: Chelsey
Breed: Kerry Blue Terrier
Best of: Terrier
I don't like a dog who's face is hidden by damp fur. I would not want this animal kissing me.
How does you compare to Malachy? Does not! Yesterday I told you about how I feel about terriers. I would never trade a terrier for a fluffy meringue like Malachy.

VERDICT
Malachy the Pekingese wholeheartedly deserved to win Best in Show. He's a sweet little toy with perfect fur and a happy face. He looks like the kind of dog a rich Chinese Emperor would have (and probably make him wear a tiny little hat). Malachy, I wish I could hug you.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Always look sort of evil?" After watching the movie UP there is no doubt that Dobermans ARE evil!

The Mayor said...

Hell yes! The most evil of the evil dogs was a doberman. I think that's where I'm getting it from. UP. I'm going to assume this is now the dog form UP come to life.

c.poir said...

no way, that xoloitzcuintli dog is the new satan dog.