5.02.2012

What ever happened to?...2GE+HER edition!


When talking about the MTV made for TV fake boy band 2Ge+her (pronounced Together) I feel like there are two types of people:
A) those who have never heard of 2Ge+her, and even after a rigorous Googling, still don't recognize any of it, and B) those who FUCKING OBSESSED WITH 2GE+HER.
I was obviously in the latter category. When MTV (in Canada, MuchMusic) first aired the made for TV movie (which was a thinly veiled copy of NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys) I knew I was going to love it. First off, it was a satire; it lampooned everything that made boy bands great and/or stupid. It was incredibly tongue-in-cheek. It was self-referential and completely under-rated. The acting was wooden (on purpose), the story was ridiculous. But if you've never seen 2ge+her, the movie or the TV show (thank GOD they made an episodic TV show) you need to understand that they also recorded incredibly spot-on boy band songs. They were like the Weird Al of 1999 shitty boy band pop. I actually downloaded every song released and listened to them without embarrassment (and I fucking hated NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, O-Town, 98 Degrees, et al).

Sadly, most people didn't get the joke and it was canceled after two seasons. Oh, also because one of the main characters died in real life and it was difficult to replace him. But more on that later! Before you read any further, you should familiarize yourself with 2ge+her's biggest hit, U + Me = Us (Calculus). I played this song till the wheels fell off, let me tell you.



When you get a chance, go to YouTube and listen to the following:
- Say It (Don't Spray It) 
- The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff)
The thing I really wish the most is that MTV would release the movie and both seasons on DVD, but I doubt that will happen; the fan base might be a bit too small. Besides, we're still waiting for Breaker High on DVD, am I right??
UPDATE: Apparently the remaining four got the green-light from MTV to film a Where Are They Now/Behind the Music mockumentary. I CANNOT WAIT. 

Alright, let's see what the boys of 2ge+her are up to now!

Jason "Q.T." McKnight - The Cute One
(Played by Michael Cuccione)
Q.T. was the baby of the group, a joke that was exaggerated so much, you were almost sure he was about 13-years-old. Just for fun, Google Jason "Q. T." McKnight and tell me that's not just an Italian-looking Justin Bieber. Q. T. was the Nick Carter, minus the meth addiction and subsequent meth-face.
What are they doing now?
I cannot make jokes, because this is super sad. MTV was on the fence about a third season, but Michael Cuccione died before a decision could be reached. Everyone decided 2ge+her couldn't continue without him (because really - how do you work around Q. T. dying? THAT'S TOO DEEP). Michael Cuccione died from Hodgkin's lymphoma and he was only 16, so he's up in Heaven now, macking on all the sexy lady angels. WHAT? Exactly. Fun Fact: David Hasselhoff flew to British Columbia to attend his funeral. Awww.

Jerry O'Keefe - The Heartthrob
(Played by Evan Farmer)
I suppose that if 2ge+her had a straight man, it was Jerry. Jerry got some good lines in, but for the most part, the writers just let him react to people. Jerry was the Brian Littrell, the Justin Timberlake, and to a lesser extent, the Nick Lachey.
What are they doing now?
I feel like Evan Farmer should have a much better career, but you take what you can get, you know? You probably recognized him in Austin Powers in Goldmember as a young Number Two. Right? He was decent!
Better than the guy who played young Dr. Evil. His face looked like a weird penis. Anyways, after his acting career didn't explode like it should have, he focused on being a TV host (or "presenter" as British people say). Did you ever watch While You Were Out? I did. He hosted it for four years. After that, he moved on to CMT to host the CMT Top 20 Countdown. Not too shabby.

He still looks good! Not bad for someone who's turning 40 this year. Fun Fact: he's a licensed pilot and in 2008 he built his own single-engine plane and flew it cross-country. Excuse me???

Chad Linus - The Shy One 
(Played by Noah Bastian)
Chad 
What are they doing now?
Noah Bastian's IMDB isn't exactly bursting at the seams with work. His last job was in 2008 on a movie called - wait for it - The Adventures of Food Boy. It stars some nobody kid from High School Musical who isn't Zach Efron. If you want to watch the shittiest trailer I've seen in a long time, click here, but be warned - it is just awful. But this isn't about The Adventures of Food Boy (his superpower, by the by, is to make food appear in his hand. That's all. Good luck stopping a nuclear weapons expert with toast). Moving on. This is what 32-year-old Chad Linus looks like now:


Not...so good. Ugh, I feel like an asshole critiquing a total stranger, but...this is the internet, you must be new here. I think I liked him better with the Sun-In. I did some digging and found a Twitter account that hasn't been updated nearly as much as it should be (come on buddy, you're unemployed. You should be working Twitter like the rent it due tomorrow). I also found a personal webpage that looks like some Geocities bullshit from 2001. Upgrade Noah - get a Wordpress account!

Mickey Parke - The Bad Boy 
(Played by Alex Solowitz)
I honestly cannot name any 'bad boys' in boy bands. They all seem really harmless. Maybe, I don't know, A.J. from the Backstreet Boys? Was he bad? He was an alcoholic, right? Ugh, I cannot even be bothered to look that up. Regardless, Mickey was my favourite character. I cannot recall, but I think there was a storyline where he shot someone? That can't be right. One of my favourite quotes:
"Mickey Parke has one ho and one ho only, and that's Mickey Parke."

What are they doing now?
Raise your hand if you thought Alex Solowitz was going to be as successful as he is? Go look at his IMBD; the guy is working steady. I mean, he's not in any Emmy-winning shit, but that's not the point. A dollar is a dollar. And yes, I just followed him on Twitter.

I love that this is his picture on Wikipedia. It looks like 80% of the pictures you see on PlentyOfFish.com - "Pay no attention to the lady beside me. She's not my ex-girlfriend or anything!" Fun Fact: he did voice work in the amazing video game L.A. Noire.

And I could NEVER make fun of him as much as I ragged on Noah Bastian, because he gave me one of my favourite scenes from Ghost World. "Do you serve any beer or alcohol?"

Doug Linus - The Older Brother 
(Played by Kevin Farley)
Without question, Doug Linus was a parody of  NSYNC's Joey Fatone. He was fat, losing his hair, "The Funny One", and way too old to be crushed on by 15-year-old girls. I loved his character. He was so out of shape that when there was a dance number, I would be drawn to watching him in the background. Every move was so half-assed, it was incredibly funny. I think that Doug was my favourite character (second only, if ever, to Mickey). Fun Fact: It's Chris Farley's younger brother!
What are they doing now?
Kevin Farley is one of those guys who will always get work, so regardless of whether or not 2ge+her was canceled, he had nothing to worry about.  Obviously he'll never eclipse his brother, but he's doing a good job of making his own career and not just sponging off his last name (yes, I'm speaking about you, Jim Belushi).

My only wish is that he'd stop accepting everything his agent gives him. I mean, come on Kevin - you were able to get roles on Curb Your Enthusiasm and The United States of Tara. You don't need to take every Seltzer/Friedberg parody movie that comes out. Update: Never mind, I spoke too soon. Looks like he's shooting a mini-series with Rob Lowe and Bill Paxton about the Civil War in 2013. Okay buddy, looks like you took my advice. Send me a muffin basket.

After doing these "What Ever Happened To..." posts, I've added a new part at the end. It's not bad enough that I've publicly shamed those who's success has never been matched, but now I'm going to rate their failure. I'm calling it:

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION TROPHY TIME

The award for most successful goes to... this one's obvious - Kevin Farley. While he may not have A-list name recognition, you know who he is the second you see him cameo in something. Plus, he's filling the funny fat old guy acting ditch in Hollywood. Like I mentioned before, if Kevin Farley moved away from the type of easy roles he gets (aka anything on the Disney channel, Air Bud films) and took really good HBO comedies, I could see him being nominated for an Emmy. No really, I'm not being sarcastic! He'd be really good on Breaking Bad or something.

The award for 'best hustle' goes to... Alex Solowitz. I mean, the guy isn't broke, but he hasn't exactly been on the cover of Us Weekly either. I feel like he's due for a break. Get him on a CSI or an NCIS as a recurring character and I think he'd work his ass off. You can tell the guy is trying; I doubt he's sitting on all that juicy 2ge+her money in his Santa Monica beach house. He's got the opposite problem of Kevin Farley; Alex Solowitz needs to take any and all auditions/roles he's given. Get your face back out there buddy! Surely someone needs to cast the part of "Dickhead Jock #2".


The "Best Career Advice" award goes to... definitely Evan Farmer. I don't know who's Jedi he was a Padewan to, but he needs to send them a nice bottle of wine every Christmas. It's like Evan Farmer knew that handsome dark-haireds are a dime a dozen in Hollywood, so he picked up his family and moved to Nashville. Big Fish! Small Pond! Good Move!

The award for most likely to use the pick-up line "Yes, I was on that MTV show from more than a decade ago" at a bar goes to... Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Noaaaaaaahhhhh Bastiaaaaan!!! Oh, I'm sorry...you think I'm being unfair? Let's just let this picture do the talking for me:

Seriously. This would be like if you were in your High School's production of The Pirates of Penzance and your Twitter was like "im steve h aka major-general stanley, boii". Yeah, exactly. It would be FUCKING LAME. Noah, it's time for you to realize that your face is fucking weird, you can't really act, and you need to go back to college or something and become an accountant. You can't keep telling rich girls in the bar that you were Chad Linus in order to mooch drinks. Unless that's working for you, in which case, Mazel Tov, you gold-digging man-whore!

5 comments:

There's No Time For Pants! said...

Damn it, now I have that song stuck in my head!

Renee said...

Reading this to my husband tonight in leu of foreplay.

Unknown said...

I just found your blog randomly and LOVE IT.

So happy to find a ridiculously funny blog to read.

Please don't ever stop.

Alice said...

That's some classic after school MuchMusic time right there. Thanks for the memories.

Blogger said...

Sprinter - DarKz (170BPM)